Literary puns

Well yes, they're horrible puns. But sometimes we all need a reason to crack a smile and these days are seeming darker than most. So with that caveat, have at it, Friends. Pre-emptive apologies.

Why is John Milton terrible to invite to game night? Because when he's around, there's a pair of dice lost.

What makes "Civil Disobedience" such a great essay? Thoreau editing.

What happened when Past, Present, and Future walked into a bar? It was tense.

How does Voltaire like his apples? Candied.

Why did the run-on sentence think it was pregnant? Its period was late.

When I was a kid, my teacher said, "Name two pronouns." I said, "Who, me?"

What was Socrates' favorite thing to mold? Play dough.

Why did Shakespeare write in pen? Because pencils confused him -- 2B or not 2B??

Honestly, everyone should just leave writing to the prose.

That Charlotte Brontë, she's a breath of fresh Eyre.

What do pregnant women and apostrophes have in common? They're prone to contractions.

What do writers eat for breakfast? Joyce Carol Oatmeal.

What's the difference between a cat and a comma? Cats have claws at the end of paws. Commas are a pause at the end of a clause.

Why are writers cold? Because they're always surrounded by drafts.

And finally, a shout-out to the Belle of Amherst:
Who was Emily Dickinson's favorite reindeer? Dasher.